The Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template™

Get out of my face you coon!

One of the reasons I started this blog was to highlight the sense of entitlement of our so-called elite. The other reason I started this blog?  Why the millions and the Hollywood starlets that would flock to me as a successful blogger.  Fortunately my bitter disappointment over the second reason is alleviated by the copious amounts of black-market Demerol.  And Valium. And Sugar Frosted Flakes.

And so without further delay I now present the Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template™.

Failed dramatic actor Alec Baldwin recently got into an altercation on a public street because

  1. A nonfamous person dared to approach him
  2. I mean I thought this was America?  How dare common folk look at me!
  3. Get the f*ck out of my face you lowly working person!
  4. Taking a photo of me is against the law!
  5. I’m Alec Baldwin dammit!

What do you mean taking photos of me is legal?

  1. Then I have no choice but to call up my good friend Governor Cuomo and get this law changed.
  2. Yeah, I know the governor.
  3. You don’t know the governor?
  4. Filthy common animal
  5. People like you disgust me

When the photographer continued to take photos of Baldwin, he called the black photographer a “drug dealing, crackhead coon!”

  1. He said what?
  2. Yeah that’s right, I’m Alec Baldwin and you’re a coon!
  3. Don’t worry I’m a liberal
  4. I already said I’m a liberal so get out of my face you crackhead coon!
  5. It’s not racist when I say it

Seriously what’s your problem?

  1. Alec Baldwin?  Perhaps you’ve heard of my support for the Democratic party?
  2. I love black people
  3. Which is why I live in Greenwich Village
  4. Do I have to say it again?  I love black people
  5. Just don’t move into my neighborhood

In light of the coon incident, Baldwin has promised to

  1. Give more money to progressive causes
  2. Liberal knows what’s best
  3. Seriously I’m giving money to progressive causes
  4. This proves I’m not racist
  5. You wouldn’t like my neighborhood anyway.  The barbeque restaurants suck

And there you have it readers.  The official Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template™.

People.  Please.  He’s a liberal.  Leave him alone.  He’s compassionate.

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4 Responses to “The Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template™”

  1. Is it racist to reline against the Alec Baldwins of this world?

  2. innominatus says:

    Imagine if his daughter had been a minority. Then his phone messages to her might have been really nasty.

  3. Alec Baldwin is a racist.

    And nobody at MSNBC, ABC, CBS, The NYTimes, Washington Post, Entertainment Tonight or People Magazine gives a shit about it.

    If Ted Nugent had said something like this, the Motherfucked Media would’ve made this into their lead story for a month.