One of the reasons I started this blog was to highlight the sense of entitlement of our so-called elite. The other reason I started this blog? Why the millions and the Hollywood starlets that would flock to me as a successful blogger. Fortunately my bitter disappointment over the second reason is alleviated by the copious amounts of black-market Demerol. And Valium. And Sugar Frosted Flakes.
And so without further delay I now present the Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template.
Failed dramatic actor Alec Baldwin recently got into an altercation on a public street because
- A nonfamous person dared to approach him
- I mean I thought this was America? How dare common folk look at me!
- Get the f*ck out of my face you lowly working person!
- Taking a photo of me is against the law!
- I’m Alec Baldwin dammit!
What do you mean taking photos of me is legal?
- Then I have no choice but to call up my good friend Governor Cuomo and get this law changed.
- Yeah, I know the governor.
- You don’t know the governor?
- Filthy common animal
- People like you disgust me
When the photographer continued to take photos of Baldwin, he called the black photographer a “drug dealing, crackhead coon!”
- He said what?
- Yeah that’s right, I’m Alec Baldwin and you’re a coon!
- Don’t worry I’m a liberal
- I already said I’m a liberal so get out of my face you crackhead coon!
- It’s not racist when I say it
Seriously what’s your problem?
- Alec Baldwin? Perhaps you’ve heard of my support for the Democratic party?
- I love black people
- Which is why I live in Greenwich Village
- Do I have to say it again? I love black people
- Just don’t move into my neighborhood
In light of the coon incident, Baldwin has promised to
- Give more money to progressive causes
- Liberal knows what’s best
- Seriously I’m giving money to progressive causes
- This proves I’m not racist
- You wouldn’t like my neighborhood anyway. The barbeque restaurants suck
And there you have it readers. The official Alec Baldwin Malfeasance Template.
People. Please. He’s a liberal. Leave him alone. He’s compassionate.