French parolee Jean Valjean was surprised today to receive a facebook friend request from longtime nemesis Parisian inspector Javert.
“This came totally out of left field” Valjean told friends.
He (Javert) must be part bloodhound or something. Once I left prison I thought I’d never see him again. I mean I have violated my parole so technically Javert has a reason to pursue me but really. How doe he keep finding me? Some of that is my fault I guess. I live a block from where he lives. I could have done a better job of hiding but the rent is good here. And I suppose I shouldn’t have “liked” parole violations on my Facebook page. That might have been a giveaway. Then there’s my I.M. screen name: Sexy parole violator. And I guess I shouldn’t start every conversation with “Ever get sentenced to 20 years for stealing a loaf of bread?” But other than that how did he find me? I mean he came close to finding me once when I was living in an apartment on the third floor but I tricked him by moving into the empty apartment on the fourth floor. After that I figured I’d lost him. Now I may have to move another block away.
“Yeah, it’s consumed me for awhile now” he said.
I mean, I am the law. I enforce the law. It wouldn’t look good if I let him go free. It’s been a game of cat and mouse. Every time he moves one block I move one block. Once we lived in the same building. I was on the first floor and he was on the third. I thought I had a pretty good chance to nab him then but our work schedules didn’t mix. He works nights and I work days so whenever he was home I wasn’t and vice versa. It was frustrating. Then I lost him. Someone said he moved to the fourth floor but I was working a lot of overtime then and wasn’t able to follow up.
Javert even went old school, handing out flyers in the neighborhood with Valjean’s picture on them.
“No luck though.”
At the end of his rope, it was then that Javert decided to use social media to close in on Valjean.
I put an ad in the man looking for man section on Craigslist. Basically I said that I won’t stop until I have my man in handcuffs. Lots of men answered that ad. Lots. I was frankly surprised at how many men there are in Paris that wanted to turn themselves in to me so that I could make them my prisoner. None of them was Valjean, though. And some of them didn’t even have prison records, strangely enough.
After the Craigslist failure Javert hit upon the idea of searching for Valjean on Facebook.
“It was easy to find him. I was amazed at how many friends he has. More than me.”
Valjean has told friends he will not accept the friend request.
“Screw it. I’m blocking him!”
Javert admits that if the Facebook attempt is unsuccessful he may give up.
“There’s so much more I want to do, like visit New York and throw phones at snotty hotel employees. Stuff like that.” (1243)