As we enter the new year and King Obama’s inauguration gets closer I thought it was time that I gave my readers a few suggestions on what I think might be done to make the United Kingdom of America a better place to live.
For make no mistake. The people have spoken. Facism. Dictatorship. Rule by Strong men. Whatever you want to call it. Americans want it. This myth that Americans like small, limited government is just that. A myth. Americans like things big. And we have voted for the biggest, most intrusive government the world has ever known. As to how we will pay for this, hell, kick it down the road.
And so, in the spirit of unlimited, big government, here are a few modest proposals:
- Every American 14 years and older will owe the government five days of manual labor on Federal lands. Yes, I realize that the 13th amendment prohibited involuntary servitude. But this is for President Obama. And you do want to help your President, don’t you? Or are you racist? Naturally I don’t expect every American to be physically able to do manual labor for five days. Those who are unable to labor for Obama can fulfill this obligation by delivering “four fat fowl” to the IRS office closest to you.
- All citizens of the United Kingdom of America who do not hold office (vassals) have certain duties beyond manual labor that they will have to give to President Obama. These include fealty as well as aid and counsel (auxilium et concilium). In return President Obama will provide protection and maintenance to his vassals. How glorious and compassionate is President Obama to do this! Just think: No one ever will have to go hungry or homeless again. In return for manual labor, fealty, aid and counsel our President will give us free room and board. He will become the benevolent father figure the framers of the Constitution always envisioned.
- The right of Droit du Seigneur shall once again become custom in the United Kingdom of America. Why? For charity’s sake. It will bind us vassals with our noblemen who hold office. And besides, what loyal and right-thinking American wouldn’t want to share his bride with President Obama?
On that note I’d like to close these few modest suggestions with a prayer:
Our Obama Who Art In Washington
Hallowed be Thy Name
Thy Kingdom Come
Thy Will Be Done in America As It Is In The Rest of The World.
Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread (Where’s My Free Stuff?)
And Forgive Us Our Non-Fealty
As We Forgive Our Elected Rulers
And Lead Us Not Into Selfish Thoughts
But Deliver us from the Evil of Capitalism