Captain Joseph Merrill of the cargo ship Hanine pulled into port on a chilly December morning carrying a cargo full of love and devotion.
“You know, it’s the Christmas season and all that” said the captain. “So if you’d like to know where I got the notion, that’s where I got the notion.”
Little did Captain Merrill suspect that Love and Devotion are considered controlled substances by Homeland Security.
His ship was detained and Merrill was arrested and brought to a Homeland Security holding cell.
They isolated me for 12 hours and kept asking me why I wanted to rock the boat? Why did I want to tip it over? I kept telling them I had no desire to rock the boat baby or tip the boat over. It’s just that the cargo full of love and devotion thrilled me like the rush of the wind and held me safe from the rolling sea. Homeland Security didn’t like that answer. They beat me and asked me if I was a terrorist. Or a Republican.
Between beatings I kept telling them that I was no terrorist but that my love is like a ship on the ocean and I enjoy sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion.
Merrill was charged with five counts of possession of a controlled substance and his cargo full of love and devotion was brought to a Homeland Security lab for analysis.
“We had no idea what was in the cargo full of love and devotion” said a Homeland officer. “But we wanted to make sure it wasn’t a danger to the populace and that it contained no cigarettes or bibles.”
As Captain Merrill languished in his holding cell, convinced that he would be imprisoned for years he wrote a farewell letter to his wife:
I am currently under arrest for sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion. I have no idea what the future holds for me or if I will ever see you again. But let me say that up to now we’ve sailed through every storm and I’ve always had your tender lips to keep me warm. Oh I need to have the strength that flows from you. Don’t let me drift away my dear when love can see me through. Oh, our love is like a ship on the ocean. We’ve been sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion!
Eventually after Homeland Security found that the cargo full of love and devotion posed no threat to Americans Captain Merrill was released from custody. However, his cargo was burned for safety’s sake.
“Screw it” said Merrill. “Next year I’m sailing with a cargo full of arugula. Or maybe computers.”
Note: Manhattan Infidel wishes to apologize for this post. He wishes to further apologize to those readers who will spend the rest of the day with the early 1970s hit Rock the Boat by the Hues Corporation stuck in their heads.
What can I say. I’m evil. And you’re lucky I didn’t decide to do a post on the Bay City Rollers. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y night……