My Exclusive Interview with Paul McCartney

 Dude, No-o eat-o turkey-o

Having taken a couple days off to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday I once again take to the the pages of my blog.  Today I am interviewing perhaps the most famous composer of his day, Sir Paul McCartney.

MI:  Sir Paul it’s a pleasure to be able to interview you.

SPM:  Thank you, Mr. Infidel.  Peace and love. 

MI:  Peace and love back at you.  And I had plenty of peace and love this weekend as I, like millions of Americans, celebrated Thanksgiving.

SPM:  Yes.  You’re American holiday.  Did you eat turkey?

MI:  Of course I did.  I love eating turkey on Thanksgiving.

SPM:  I’m disappointed in you Manhattan Infidel. As you may know I addressed Americans last week asking them to forgo their barbarous turkey-eating ways.

MI:  Okay, now that you’ve brought the subject up.  Do you think you have the right to stick your nose into our customs and traditions?

SPM:  Of course I do.  I’m a citizen of the world.

MI:  What does your passport say?

SPM:  Great Britain

MI:  And?

SPM:  Isn’t Great Britain part of the United States?

MI:  No. No it isn’t.

SPM:  Dude.  

MI:   Moving along - 

SPM: Turkey is cruelty.  I want Americans to have a cruelty-free holiday.

MI:  Cruelty-free? And this is from the man who wrote “Wonderful Christmastime.”

SPM:  [Pause] Touché.

MI:  Simply having a wonderful Christmastime…..Simply having a wonderful Christmastime!

SPM:  Please don’t.  Even I hate the song.

MI:  Okay.  I’ll stop.  I wouldn’t want to be accused of cruelty.  

SPM:  Thank you.

MI:  Let’s change the subject.  Take us back to the early morning of December 9th, 1980.

SPM:  That was a long time ago.  What happened that day?

MI: You received a phone call early that morning stating that  John had been shot dead and - 

SPM:  John’s dead?

MI:  Um. Yeah.  I’m sorry I thought you knew.

SPM:  Dude man.  Dude!  I’m gonna need to smoke some pot now.

MI:  Okay.  Um.

SPM:  Do you have any pot for me?

MI:  Moving along - 

SPM:  Have-o any-o pot-o for-o me-o?

MI:  No.  Let’s talk about Ringo. Are the two of you still close?

SPM:  Ringo?

MI:  Yes.  The drummer for the Beatles.

SPM:  I was in the Beatles?  Dude!  Nice.

MI:  I’m going to have to end the interview now.  

SPM:  Got-o  pot-o?

MI:  I already told you no.

SPM:  Pot is a plant.  And killing and consuming plants is not cruel. You Manhattan Infidel are cruel.

MIAlright pal you asked for it.  You want cruel?  Here’s cruel for you: 

The moon is right
The spirits up
We’re here tonight
And that’s enough

Simply having a wonderful christmastime
Simply having a wonderful christmastime

The party’s on
The feelin’s here
That only comes
This time of year

Simply having a wonderful christmastime
Simply having a wonderful christmastime

The choir of children sing their song
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding Ohhhh
Ohhhhhhh

SPM:  No.  No. I beg you  please stop! [Sir Paul runs out of the building into oncoming traffic.]

MI:  I have just been handed this news bulletin.  Paul McCartney has been run over by a manure truck.  More details as they come in.

And so ended my interview with the so-called “cute” Beatle.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to scrub “Having a Wonderful Christmastime” from my iPod. (774)

9 Responses to “My Exclusive Interview with Paul McCartney”

  1. The dude is right. You are crule. Please don’t make me suffer through something like that again. The moon is right….. Grrrrrr!

  2. innominatus says:

    Ya gotta pay your dues
    If ya wanna sing the blues
    and ya know it’s Wonderful Christmastime!

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: You’re lucky I didn’t start singing “Silly love songs.”

    Inn: thats’ ringo. And a good song. Tough George Harrison’s guitar solo sounds like it was recorded in the next county. Don’t deface a good song by combining it with Wonderful Christmastime.

  4. That song was in my head all day after reading this post.

    It’s official: Manhattan Infidel hates his readership.

    :-(

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: What can I say except:

    The moon is right
    The spirits up
    We’re here tonight
    And that’s enough

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    The party’s on
    The feelin’s here
    That only comes
    This time of year

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    The choir of children sing their song
    Ding dong, ding dong
    Ding dong, ding Ohhhh
    Ohhhhhhh

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    The word is out
    About the town
    To lift a glass
    Ahhh don’t look down

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    The choir of children sing their song
    They practiced all year long
    Ding dong, ding dong
    Ding dong, ding dong
    Ding dong, ding dong

    The party’s on
    The spirits up
    We’re here tonight
    And that’s enough

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    The moon is right
    The spirits up
    We’re here tonight
    And that’s enough

    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime
    Simply having a wonderful christmastime

    OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    Christmastime

  6. innominatus says:

    >>> thats’ ringo. And a good song.

    It’s a great song. Sticks in my head like velcro sticks to a sheep, but still…

  7. LSP says:

    Now look here. One good turn deserves another.

    I challenge you to watch “Say, Say, Say”…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9jGSdGVNFI

    Good luck.

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    LSP: It does seem a shame that Sir Paul is best known for his worst songs.