Clark Kent, respected reporter for the Daily Planet, one of Metropolis’ bigger newspapers has quit his job, reportedly “disgusted” by the state of journalism today. I recently had a chance to sit down with Kent to discuss the state of journalism today.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Kent.
CK: Good afternoon, Mr. Infidel.
MI: So tell me. What brought this about? What prompted your decision to leave a steady job and a steady paycheck at the Daily Planet?
CK: Basically I was frustrated. I wasn’t my own man. I couldn’t report on the stories I considered important hard news. Instead I was reporting on human interest softball stories that the editors thought would drive up sales.
MI: That had to be tough.
CK: Exactly. I’m a good writer and a good reporter. So eventually I got so frustrated I quit.
MI: So you quit?
MI: You weren’t fired?
MI: You’re leaving the Daily Planet had nothing at all to do with the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against you by Lois Lane?
CK: Our relationship was consensual.
MI: That’s not what the court papers say. I recently had them unsealed. Let’s see. What does she call you? Mr. “Faster than a speeding bullet in bed?”
CK: I don’t want to comment on that.
MI: She also said that you pressured her into having a threesome with Jimmy Olsen?
CK: Jimmy’s a very special young man. And legal too.
MI: Okay let – moving along. What are you doing now?
CK: I’ve started a blog.
MI: Really? Welcome to the blogosphere. So are you enjoying being a blogger?
CK: Yes. I get to write about what I want to write about. What I think is an important news story. And the freedom is great. No more suits and ties. I can sit at my computer in my underwear or even naked. And I can watch Japanese porn while I write.
MI: Okay, that’s just a stereotype. Bloggers don’t sit around naked watching porn while they write their blogs.
CK: Oh really? Really? Isn’t there something you want to tell your readers?
MI: No. So what’s your blog traffic like?
CK: Yesterday I got 45 hits.
MI: You sound dejected.
CK: I just thought I would have more traffic that’s all.
MI: Well you can’t give up. It’ll be slow at first. So what are you doing for money?
CK: See the ads on the sidebar? I get 1/10th of one cent for each time someone clicks an ad. You know eventually that’ll mean lots of money for me.
MI: I see. Well that about answers all my questions.
CK: As long as you’re here why not click on an ad? Do it for me. Here, let me guide your hand. [He takes Manhattan Infidel’s hand.] My, your very strong. Do you work out? I bet you look good in a t shirt.
MI: I – I think I better go.
CK: Don’t go. Not before you click on the ad. I need the money.
MI: I’m leaving.
CK: Come on just click on the ad. Is that too much to ask? I need the money. Click on the f*cking ad pretty boy!
MI: I’m out of here.
[Clark Kent grabs Manhattan Infidel and throws him on the floor. He attempts to drag him to his computer.]
CK: Click on the f#cking ad! Just click on the f#cking ad and you can leave.
[Manhattan Infidel kicks Clark Kent in the groin and escapes.]
MI: You’re psycho.
CK: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just under a lot of stress. Come back! If you see Lois Lane tell her I love her. And I still have her underwear. Jimmy’s too!
And so ended my interview with struggling blogger Clark Kent. If you have a chance to visit his blog and click on the ads on the sidebar I suggest you do it. Or he might hunt you down.
Hey, blogging is a blood sport! (1363)