As I did with last week’s debate I was able to sneak into the auditorium and steal President Obama’s notes. And once again I was shocked at the lack of security. There was a drone flying overhead but it just watched me.
And so without further adieu (hey that rhymes with deux!) I now present his notes. Once again I challenge the FBI to arrest me!
We’re sitting down during this debate? No one told me this! My hemorrhoids are killing me.
The face of terrorism? You should see Michelle first thing in the morning.
The first question is on Libya. Good. I know all about Africa. I was born there.
Shit did I just say “nuclear trees”? Keep it together. Keep it together.
There is one thing I’ve learned as Commander-in-Chief: Blame it all on Bush!
How do we keep the Muslim Brotherhood out of power? I’m sending the Black Panthers to Egypt to suppress the vote.
I AM playing a leadership role! Do you know how often I’ve been on The View? It takes leadership to look Whoopie in the eye.
I’ll be very quick…..as I said to Michelle last night.
No it’s not true that every time I lie my ears grow.
Teacher says every time a bell rings an ambassador dies in Libya.
What is America’s role in the world? How the hell should I know? I’m Kenyan.
I don’t like this moderator. Come on and help a brother out. Interrupt Romney! Candy would!
Governor Romney, the math doesn’t work. Just like my half-brother in Kenya.
I do not do anything premature. Except for last night. But I had a lot on my mind. The debate and all……and by the way, thinking about baseball doesn’t work.
Intrusive inspections? But enough about my prostrate. Boo-yah! That zinger will be remembered.
I didn’t attend any fundraisers while I visited Israel. There was no need to attend a fundraiser. No ambassadors had been killed.
We must fund research into traumatic brain injury. It might help Biden.
Important: Make eye contact with George Clooney. Hey, where the hell is George Clooney?
We must treat women with respect and dignity by giving them free birth control.
Attitudes about America have changed. But not mine. I still hate America.
Important: We cannot afford to go back to the policies of the past four years when Bush was President.
In closing I’d just like to say that America is a great country. Where else can an immigrant like myself become President?
And so once again, dear readers, it has been my pleasure to show you an inside look at the President’s thinking.
And once again I dare the FBI to arrest me. Come on. Arrest me. Please. I need the publicity. (291)