On a chilly Saturday morning a group of fifteen adults met in the woods. No, they weren’t bird watching. Instead they were preparing to take part in the newest fad that is sweeping the globe: Pete Best watching.
“I’ve been bird watching for years” said one participant.
But after awhile it became “been there done that.” I mean, you can only look at so many birds. I had become bored. But then a friend said I should look into joining a Pete Best watching group. So I gave it a try. I’m hooked now!
The chance to glimpse the reclusive and beautiful creature known as Pete Best has become a must for many.
Every Saturday I put on my Pete Best watching clothes and join the local group. We’ve never actually seen him yet. We thought we had sighted him once. We heard some rustling in the bushes and took some photos. But when I went home and had the photos analyzed by a Pete Best expert he determined that the photos were of Bigfoot and not Pete.
Naturally we were disappointed that it wasn’t Pete. But that won’t stop me from searching for him.
Trivia question: What do Pete Best and Bigfoot have in common?
Answer: Both have been fired by Paul McCartney!*
Naturally with so many groups now going Pete Best watching rules have had to be put into place to guard against fraud.
Everybody wants to be the first one to take a photo of Pete. The tabloids naturally will pay a lot of money for it. So we just have to be sure it’s an actual photo of Pete and not Photoshopped.
Accordingly the International Pete Best Watching Commission (The “Commission“) has determined that any photo allegedly of Pete will have to be verified by four independent experts, none of whom can be Paul McCartney.**
The Commission has also published a handy guide to facilitate Pete Best watching. Foremost is the correct type of Pete Best Caller.
An official Commission-approved Pete Best caller, when blown into, will produce the following: “Hey, it’s Pete Best of the famous Mersey Beat sound.”
Said a Commission spokesman:
We strongly feel that this exact combination of words will make Pete Best feel comfortable and safe and facilitate a successful sighting.
Unauthorized Pete Best callers have been known to bring about unfortunate events.
My first time out I had bought an unauthorized Pete Best caller on the black market. When I blew into it the caller said, “We love you Ringo.” Well, Pete did come out. But he charged at us. It was very frightening. We had to run for our lives. That particular Pete Best watching group has not invited me back.
One group is confident that they have in fact taken a photo of the actual Pete Best. This photo, reproduced here,
is currently being analyzed by experts.
We’re pretty sure at this point it’s Pete Best. We have to do some more analysis of course. But we’re cautiously optimistic. If it is Pete this will be a major find!
* When contacted about this story Bigfoot confirmed that he had been fired by McCartney.
It’s true. After Denny Seiwell left Wings Paul hired me as the new drummer. But then he thought I was making eyes at Linda so the son of a bitch fired me and brought in Geoff Britton.
** The Commission feels that McCartney would not be a reliable witness as to the authenticity of any Pete Best photo because “the son of a bitch just seems to hate drummers.” (119)