As the Vice Presidential debate nears, both Vice President Biden and Paul Ryan have been huddled with their respective teams prepping for the debate.
In Vice President Biden’s camp, optimism reigns.
“We are going to crush Ryan” said an aide who wishes to remain anonymous.
Joe Biden is one of the intellectual lights of the Democratic Party. He’s a deep thinker and an expert in foreign policy. That’s where we are going to attack Ryan. We’ve been in intense mock debates the past few days and the Vice President is more than ready. He knows all the answers. Why I just finished asking him who the Prime Minister of Zimbabwe was. He replied, “Some guy” which, technically, is the correct answer. So you see, we are very confident. I just wish the debate was scheduled for earlier in the evening as we don’t like to keep the Vice President up past his bed time.
Over at Congressman Ryan’s camp, optimism also reigned supreme. Said an insider with knowledge of Ryan’s prepping:
Congressman Ryan knows the facts. He knows the numbers. He knows the issues. He knows how much our debt is and how it is unsustainable. And he’s going to constantly refer back to the facts. This will no doubt confuse the Vice President. Then when he starts crying Ryan will show his compassion by introducing Biden to the P90X workout.
Dubbed the “Thrilla in Kentucky” by the networks, “Yeah the name sucks but we couldn’t find anything rhymed with Kentucky” the debate is expected to be closely watched by Americans, especially by those not watching The Vampire Diaries and Beauty and the Beast on the CW network.
No matter the outcome or who is dubbed the winner, the debate between the deep-thinking Biden and the numbers-crunching Ryan should be exciting.
And yes, already there are rumors of cheating by both candidates.
Vice President Biden’s camp had to deny reports that he will be fitted with a specially-designed diaper that will not only enable him to urinate without wetting his pants but also be fitted with a microphone that will allow off-stage handlers to give him answers.
Ryan for his part had to call a special press conference to deny reports of “Roid rage.”
I categorically deny any use of performance enhancing drugs by myself before this debate. I have too much respect for the process to do that. And anyone who says otherwise I will crush their puny torsos with my bare hands!
The last word will have to be Vice President Biden’s who when asked if he was prepared for the debate said:
I don’t like the people Mr. Obama sent to look after me. They keep asking me so many questions. And that makes my head hurt, you know like when I eat ice cream to fast. Why can’t I just watch Arrow and Supernatural, on its new night on the CW Network?
Note: Manhattan Infidel is not affiliated with the CW network.
Note note: Manhattan Infidel is also not affiliated with the Burlington Coat Factory.
Note note note: You know forget about that last note. It was silly and has no relation to the important issues that will no doubt be discussed during the debate.
Note note note note: However the Manhattan Infidel is still not affiliated with the CW network.
Note note note note note: The Manhattan Infidel would like to apologize for all the notes at the end of this post. Sometimes he goes off the deep end. He blames Jesus.
Note note note note note note: The Manhattan Infidel would like to apologize for apologizing for all the notes at the end of this post.
Note note note note note note note: You know what, screw you! You try entertaining America while simultaneously taking medication to combat the 16 known forms of venereal disease he has contracted.
Note note note note note note note note: Okay make that 23 known forms. (I spent the weekend in Paterson, New Jersey.)
Note note note note note note note note note: So, do you come here often?