Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel I am always looking for
a cheap hooker subjects to interview. World leaders? Sports figures? Hollywood superstars? You name it I have interviewed libeled them all. But today I’m taking a different track. Everyone loves eating. And so I present my exclusive interview with the delicious dish known as jerk chicken.
Jerk Chicken: Good morning. It’s nice to be here.
MI: Wow you look great.
Jerk Chicken: Thank you. You’re so sweet.
MI: I want to eat you.
Jerk Chicken: Play your cards right Manhattan Infidel and you can do anything you want to me.
MI: Really? Wow.
Jerk Chicken: Just promise me you’ll respect me.
Jerk Chicken: I’m tired of men just using me for their own selfish pleasure.
MI: Well, isn’t that kinda why you’re here? For our pleasure?
Jerk Chicken: You don’t respect me! I knew it! You’re just like the others! You men are all alike! Don’t touch me! Don’t look at me! I hate you! I hate you Manhattan Infidel! I hate you!
MI: Calm down will you? I was just asking a question.
Jerk Chicken: So you still love me?
MI: Of course. I always will love jerk chicken.
MI: That’s kind of beyond my price range.
Jerk Chicken: You don’t love me! Get out! Get out now!
Bodyguard Chicken: Is this man bothering you Miss Jerk?
Jerk Chicken: Yes he is!
MI: Who’s that?
Jerk Chicken: He’s my bodyguard.
Bodyguard Chicken: You know what we do to people who bother Miss Jerk? [He punches Manhattan Infidel in the stomach.]
MI: [Doubling over in pain.] Son of a bitch! That hurts.
Jerk Chicken: You don’t know what pain is. If you don’t buy me my boots after eating me I’ll make you feel real pain every time you go to the bathroom.
Bodyguard Chicken: [Kicks Manhattan Infidel in the groin.] Now why don’t you be nice and buy Miss Jerk those boots she wants?
MI: [Lying on ground in pain.] Why are you being such a jerk?
Jerk Chicken: It’s who I am. You knew that. [She and Bodyguard Chicken leave.]
MI: [Lying on ground in pain he notices someone standing over him.] Who are you?
Masturbation Chicken: I’m masturbation chicken. [Extending hand.] Shake?
MI: I don’t think so. What the hell are you doing? Stop that. That’s disgusting.
Masturbation Chicken: Oh don’t be such a wet blanket. Everyone does it.
Sodomy Chicken: Can I get in on the action?
MI: Who’s that?
Masturbation Chicken: That’s my cousin Sodomy Chicken.
Sodomy Chicken: A threesome. This is going to be fun.
The rest of the interview is too shameful for me to relate to my readers. If only I had bought Jerk Chicken those boots. (119)