n a garbage-strewn alley at the worldwide headquarters of the journalistic juggernaut known as Manhattan Infidel I have had the opportunity to interview many people. And today I am pleased to welcome to the pages of my blog the sitting Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Vice President.
JB: Good afternoon. Is it recess yet? I usually have recess in the afternoon.
MI: I wouldn’t know about that. May I call you Joe?
JB: I hate that name. My nickname is “Stinky.” That’s what all my friends call me.
MI: Um. Okay. Stinky. So tell me, Stinky, what’s it like being Vice President?
JB: It’s so cool. Mr. Obama lets me ride in helicopters and stuff like that.
MI: Wow. Most boys your age don’t get a chance to do that.
JB: I know. And one time I was in the helicopter and we saw some Girl Scouts so we hovered over them and dropped water balloons on them and they got all wet. It was so funny the Pepsi I was drinking came out of my nose.
MI: Now, now Stinky. Be nice to the girls.
JB: I hate girls. They are so icky. I won’t even let them in my tree house. You know which girl I really hate? Mrs. Clinton. Once we were in a cabinet meeting and I started pulling her hair. And she says to Mr. Obama, “Tell Joe to stop touching me!’ and I was all “I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you!” and then I kept pulling her hair and she started crying. Mr. Obama had to take me out of the meeting and spank me and send me to my room. But it was worth it.
MI: Oh Stinky. That wasn’t very nice.
JB: I don’t care. Girls have cooties.
MI: Okay. Now -
JB: Hey, hey do you want to see something? I can count to ten!
MI: Wow. You must be smart.
JB: Some people don’t think so. They’re mean. I don’t like mean people. They make me sad.
MI: I’m sorry to hear that.
JB: When I get sad Mr. Obama sings me to sleep.
JB: Yeah. Hey, hey, do you want to sing me to sleep? It’s my nap time.
MI: Well I don’t know………
JB: Oh come on. Please? Pretty please? It’ll be so cool.
MI: Okay. I’ll give it a try.
Rock a bye baby on the tree tops
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all.
Oh will you look at that? He’s out like a light. They’re so cute when they’re that age.
[Biden wakes up and starts crying]
JB: Waaaaaaaaaa.! Waaaaaaaaaaa!
MI: Oh hell. What am I supposed to do? I don’t have children. I don’t have any experience with crying babies. If he craps his diaper and I am so suing President Obama.
MI: Son of a bitch! He crapped his diaper!
And so ended my interview with the
shitting sitting Vice President. And Mr. Obama, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer. (104)