Yankees Lose; Declare War on Women

“We girls are good enough, strong enough and gosh golly, just as good as the boys!” ~ Sandra Fluke

No smoking!

The above photo is home plate at the old Yankee Stadium.  And no, you cannot smoke at the old Yankee Stadium location.  You see this is King Bloomberg’s New York and smoking in public is illegal and immoral.

Tonight the Yankees faced division rival the Toronto “Eh” Blue Jays.  The Yankees started David Phelps (3-4 2.69) and Toronto started Henderson Alverez (7-11 4.84).  Neither starter figured in the decision as the Yankees lost in 11 innings.

Before the game and during the game the Yankees were promoting women’s sports.  Because gosh darnit the girls are just as good as the men.  And to say otherwise is to declare war on women.

The Yankees got on the board first as Robinson Cano hit a 3-1 pitch in the Yankee bullpen.  1-0 Yankees after one.

Toronto got a run back in the top of the second when DH Adam Lind homered to deep center.  Now why did Adam Lind homer and tie the game?  I don’t know.  Perhaps it was his war on women.  1-1 after two.

In the bottom of the fourth Robinson Cano led off and hit a 2-2 pitch to deep right for his second home run of the night.  Teixeira then walked and went to second on an Eric Chavez single.  Russell Martin then singled off the pitcher’s leg scoring Teixeira and bringing Alverez limping out of the game.  Ibanez then grounded into a fielder’s choice scoring Chavez.  4-1 Yankees after four.

In the top of the fifth Toronto got two back.  Kelly Johnson led off with a walk.  Yorvit Torrealba then homered.

In a case of tit for tat the Yankees got two back in the bottom of the fifth the same way.  Jeter led off with a walk and then Nick “Won’t be with the Yankees in 2013″ hit a  home run just over the left field wall.  6-3 Yankees after five.

In the top of the seventh Toronto scored when Hechaverria singled home Torrealba. 6-4 Yankees after seven.

Now up to this point the Yankees had been doing fine holding back the Republican’s war on women.  They were winning and all was fine.

And then came the top of the ninth.  Yankee closer Rafael Soriano on the mound. Two outs.  Two strikes.  One strike away from winning. And what does he do?  Gives up a three run home run to Centerfielder Colby Rasmus.

Now why did Rafael Soriano blow the save?  Especially on Women in Sports night?  There is only one explanation.  He hates women and has declared war on them.

Derek Jeter sent it into extra innings with a home run to right field in the bottom of the ninth.  7-7 after nine.  Derek Jeter does not hate women.  Except those who want to marry him, of course.

And eventually the Yankees would lose in 11 innings.  Darren Oliver (3-2 1.83) got the win for Toronto and Derek Lowe (8-11 5.52) got the loss for the Yankees.

Why did the Yankees lose?  Just like the Republicans they have declared war on women.

Breaking news:  50-year old Roger Clemens has not been signed by the Yankees.  Apparently he is too young.

Notes on the game:

The Toronto Blue Jays hate women and have declared war on them.

Yankee starter David  Phelps shows a lot of promise.  He will be an all-star one day.  Not for the Yankees of course who will trade him for a 40-year old.  Because that’s what the Yankees do.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of  “One student told us that she knew birth control wasn’t covered, and she assumed that’s how Georgetown’s insurance handled all of women’s sexual healthcare, so when she was raped she didn’t go to the doctor even to be examined or tested for sexually transmitted infections because she thought insurance wasn’t going to cover something like that, something that was related to a woman’s reproductive health” didn’t fire up the crowd.

I guess the Yankee fans too have declared war on women.

Recommended reading material:

The Lost History of the Ninth Amendment by Kurt T. Lash

Reader mail:

St Augustine of Hippo writes, “Precious modesty of our human nature…..makes even the purest of parents to blush over the element of lust in the generative act.”

Obviously Auggie has declared war on women and would deny the women of Hippo free birth control.

So my record this year stands at a disturbing 7-4.   My next game is Saturday September 1st against the Baltimore Orioles.

Go Yankees! (852)

4 Responses to “Yankees Lose; Declare War on Women”

  1. The Yankees farm system has been the place where every other MLB team has developed their young talent for many years.

    Meanwhile, Joba Chamberlain continues to not develop into a viable starter, a mere six years after he came up from the minors.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Yep. That’s about right. That Granderson-Jackson trade looks really great now. Jackson has matured, is young and looks like a star for years to come. Granderson has caught the dreaded right field porch disease and is swinging for the fences every time as his average is now in the .230s. Soon he’ll be joining Martin on the interstate.

    It’s going to be a rough September. Tex is out again (Why? Perhaps it’s his war on women). Nova has caught the AJ Burnett “Can’t pitch in NYC” disease.

    Let’s not forget AROD coming back to “save” us soon. We’re getting more production out of Chavez than ARODs shown the past two years.

  3. Sounds like the Yanks could use Rodger Clemens. Too bad he is so young. I was that young once; I just can’t remember when.