The Obama Effect: The Director’s Cut

 Help earth fight the decepticons!

As all of you are now probably aware, the blockbuster straight to DVD movie The Obama Effect has recently opened.  I found it to be a compelling movie about one man and his struggle to maintain the position of his business among the five families in New York.  Especially after that bastard Tessio betrayed him to Barzini.  No wait, wrong movie.

Well, lo and behold, I now find out that there is an unreleased “Director’s Cut” of this gem stinkburger of a movie.  I was fortunate enough to see the Director’s Cut.  And believe me it is a much different movie.  A much better, in my opinion, movie.

The Director’s Cut begins with Charles S. Dutton’s character, John Thomas viewing late-night lesbian porn. Girl on girl action!  Can there be anything better?  He is obviously enjoying himself but there is a nagging doubt in his mind:  Is watching girl-on-girl action all there is?  Can there be more to life? Am I wasting my time watching hot girl-on-girl, especially hot Asian girl-on-girl action?

Note:  The answer is obviously no.  Anyone who thinks otherwise is a goddamn idiot. But I digress.  Back to the Director’s Cut.

While attempting to multitask (watching three hot girl-on-girl, especially three hot Asian girl-on-girl movies on three monitors) Dutton suffers a major heart attackToo much hot girl-on-girl, especially Asian girl-on-girl action is bad for the heart and is hospitalized.

Note:  I, the Manhattan Infidel can personally vouch that watching three hot girl-on-girl, especially three hot Asian girl-on-girl flicks, can elevate the heart rate to dangerous levels.  Er, I mean give to your favorite charity.  Especially if it involves orphans. But I digress.  Back to the Director’s Cut.

While in the hospital, Dutton again questions the direction his life has taken.  Praying for a sign he is visited in his hospital room by the ghost of Liberace Don’t f##$ your chauffeur! and has this revealing exchange with him.

Dutton:  Liberace.  What’s it all about?  What is the meaning of life?  Am I missing something?

Liberace:  I’ll tell you what it’s all about.  Don’t f### your chauffeur!  Goddamn Thorson tried to sue me for 113 million in palimony!  I tell you when he dies and joins me in hell I’m going to feed his damn dick to the wolverines!

Dutton:  So, what you’re saying is?

Liberace:  Hello?  What are you?  An idiot?  Don’t f### your chauffeur!

Energized by his conversation with Liberace Dutton decides to dedicate his life to making sure no one f###s their chauffeur.  Back at work he goes into his boss’s office and quits.

Boss man:  You’re quitting over this?  You’re going to dedicate your life to making sure no one f###s their chauffeur?  Are you crazy?

Dutton:  Well, that and I’m quitting because you’re a Decepticon! Studies show that most bosses are Decepticons A goddamn Decepticon!

Dutton and his Boss Man then engage in a thrilling action-packed fight over the fate of humanity.

The end.

I personally found the Director’s Cut to be a fascinating movie.  Much better than the one most people have seen.  Now as to why Dutton chose to make these changes I cannot speculate on that.  Perhaps he was getting heat from the studio.  In any event if you can get your hands on the Director’s Cut. I recommend you watch it.

Note:  Just don’t watch it while viewing three hot girl-on-girl movies.  Especially three hot Asian girl-on-girl movies.  You might have a heart attack. (464)

6 Responses to “The Obama Effect: The Director’s Cut”

  1. Liberace: Great on piano, sucked on organ.

    [IAmSoSorry/]

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: As Lord and Moderator of Manhattan Infidel I hereby banish thee to the pages of Huffington Post.

  3. Please don’t send Shamus to HuffPo: His sophisticated double entendres will elevate the discourse there, and he could quite possibly become single-handedly responsible for generating the one vote that re-elects Obama.

  4. I thought Liberace’s brother was his chauffeur. Incestuous bastard! No wonder he is in hell.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    LIberty: You have a point. Come back shamus. Don’t go to Huffpo.

    Jim: Well that and…..well lots of reasons.