Since Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke testified before congress about the troubles she and other students at Georgetown have in finding birth control an unexpected side effect has taken place: lonely men from all over the United States have flocked to the vicinity of the university looking for women.
“This is great for business” said one motel owner. “Times are tough and the economy’s bad. I was thinking of shutting down for a few months but now I’m booked solid. And I keep getting calls from other men asking me if there any vacancies.”
According to the owner of a deli near the campus his business has shot up 400%.
The traffic in the store is incredible. Nothing but men. And they buy only one thing: condoms! That’s pretty much the only thing I sell now. I got rid of the meat slicer and my cold cuts to make room for more condoms. The men buy them and then ask me directions to the campus. I’m happy to oblige. I need the business.
Because of the influx of lonely men Georgetown police officers have been having difficulties.
At first we didn’t know what to do. We had literally thousands of men show up asking us where they could meet a coed for sex. Normally our department doesn’t handle those type of questions. Well, not since Bill Clinton was a student here.
Speaking of the former president, Clinton had this to say about Sandra Fluke and his Alma matter:
Why do you think I went to Georgetown in the first place. It was well-known as a college where the women only had one thing on their mind. Sex! Where to have it. When to have it. How many men to have it with. Where to get birth control. My happiest years were at Georgetown. I’d go back now but Hillary threatened to do a John Wayne Bobbitt on me if I did.
One man who traveled to Georgetown told his story:
I’ve tried online dating but nothing has worked. God it’s been so long since I’ve known the touch of a woman. Then I saw Sandra Fluke on TV testifying about how difficult it is to get birth control. Then I knew what I had to do. I drove 17 hours here just to find a woman. I’ll even provide the birth control. Just….someone. Please. I need to be touched.
University president John J. DeGioia told reporters that he is happy to have the men on campus.
We are a liberal, secular institution. Well, technically we’re a Catholic college but no one takes that seriously anymore. And we welcome the men here. They can have sex with as many coeds as they want as long as they are pro-female reproductive freedom and refrain from smoking.
In keeping with the new conditions at Georgetown it has been announced that the official slogan has been changed from “Ultraque unam“, both into one, to “Venit sexus moram sexus”, which roughly translates as “Come for the sex. Stay for the sex.” (1371)