Here at the worldwide headquarters
you gonna eat that? of the unstoppable journalistic juggernaut seriously you gonna eat that? known as Manhattan Infidel we pride ourselves on our infrequent parole violations ability to bring only the best information to our viewers around the world I don’t care if the bagel fell on the floor I’m hungry give it to me.
Many of my readers stop me in the street
after I have stolen their wallet to ask me, “Hey, Manhattan Infidel you are a wise man. What should I do if confronted by a liberal outbreak?”
Like zombie outbreaks, outbreaks of liberals are much to be feared. Like zombies, liberals evoke a visceral reaction in survivors: Fear. Panic. An overwhelming urge to shoot the advancing horde followed by a desire to flee. This is normal and you should not feel guilty for having these thoughts.
However one must resist the urge to shoot a liberal. Remember, he’s probably a lawyer and will sue you. (But not before calling you stupid.)
And so, in keeping with Manhattan Infidel’s mission statement of
visiting every strip club in the Northeast providing useful and practical information I know present what to do in case of a liberal outbreak.
- Step One: Stop!
If you find yourself confronted by a liberal outbreak your first instinct will be to look for an exit. However, the exits might already be blocked by a socialist who will be handing out Che Guevara t shirts. Do not panic! Immediately stand still. Cease any movement. Liberals, like dinosaurs, can only see moving objects.
- Step Two: Drop!
If you find yourself in the mist of a liberal outbreak drop to the ground, covering your face with your hands. By doing this you confuse the liberal. Also the oxygen will be thicker closer to the ground decreasing your chance of suffocating from progressive rhetoric.
- Step Three: Roll!
The victim of a liberal outbreak must roll on the ground in an attempt to brush off the socialist rhetoric. This will also have the added benefit of extinguishing the liberal by depriving him of oxygen. If you are on a rug or one is nearby try rolling the rug around yourself to further extinguish the liberal flames.
Just follow these steps and you increase your chances of survival in the liberal apocalypse. Also, these techniques may be enhanced by telling a liberal that “Jesus loves them.” Jesus is liberal kryptonite.
And there you have it readers. It has been my pleasure to impart this timely and practical advice.
Come on. Are you going to eat that? The bread is still good. I just have to wipe off that blue stuff. (4275)