We here at the World Wide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel are always on the lookout for a charitable and worthy cause to pass along to our readers. And we are proud to announce we have found one. The nonprofit foundation “Help Chaz Bono Get a Penis” needs contributions. And I’m sure my readers will respond.
For those of you not familiar with Chaz’s inspiring story he was born Chastity Bono, the only daughter of Sonny and Cher. Growing up conflicted and confused Chastity was never comfortable as a woman. (As opposed to Manhattan Infidel who frequently cross dresses.)
Having had gender reassignment surgery Chastity became Chaz Bono and had his breasts surgically removed after his 40th birthday. He is now currently receiving testosterone injections to complete the process. But one thing is lacking. Chaz Bono needs a penis. Chaz is currently “busily saving money” for the great day when a penis will be given to him.
And that’s where the Help Chaz Bono Get a Penis Foundation comes in: Chaz, being a proud man, prefers not to ask his mother to help him get a penis.
Now I know times are tough. Many of my readers no doubt have been suffering financially. But all it takes is a dollar per person. Let’s call it the March of Dollars! For Chaz Bono, a penis is so close, yet so far.
Now for those considering a donation, let’s review Chaz’s penis options.
- A basic, standard size no-frills penis (known as the starter penis) will go for $25,000. This penis is workable, small enough to fit into most alleyways and is a very popular option. Consider it like a training bra. And like a training bra it will help improve your self-esteem.
- For $45,000 one can buy the so-called “Rock Star Penis.” This penis, certified rock-star worthy by none other than Steven Tyler will enable the recipient to pick up total strangers in bars by merely flashing his “instrument.” This penis is very popular though possible side effects include years of drug abuse, rapid aging and an uncontrollable desire to marry a supermodel.
- And for $100,000 you can buy the “Captain Kirk Penis.” This penis is considered something of a “boutique” item as it is expensive and only has one known benefit: The ability to attract green women from throughout the galaxy.
And there you have it readers. I know you will respond generously because a penis is a terrible thing to waste.
Or as Chaz himself has said, “If I had it to do over again, I would have saved up and bought a penis before I had my breasts chopped off. Because now I’m still fat and ugly. But I got nothin’ Nothin’!!” (2539)