A Special Message from the Bell, California Chamber of Commerce
Friday, September 24th, 2010
Hello fellow Americans. Are you worried about today’s sluggish economy? Have you recently been laid off from your job and do not have any prospects? Are the jobs you are finding entry level that do not pay what you are used to? Do not fear. Come to Bell California: A paradise by the Pacific where high-paying government jobs await! Here are just some of the benefits:
- At Bell California part time jobs in the city government start at $100,000!
- Work from home 20 hours a week.
- Be your own boss!
- Parking privileges! Never worry about a traffic ticket again!
- After two years on the job base salaries for top city officials rise to $1,000,000 a year not including overtime!
- Dental, eye and medical coverage free!
- Have the opportunity to meet exciting law enforcement types like our previous Mayor (see below).
I know what you are saying.
“This seems too good to be true. What do I have to do to be eligible for all these benefits?”
Simple. Once a month you must attend a town hall meeting. Many of our citizens will be at these meetings. Some (usually the lower classes) will feel the need to redress grievances.
Do not fear! Remember this: You do not work for them! You work for the government. No private citizen has the right to complain to you. If they persist you can legally raise their property taxes!
And don’t forget, with our proximity to Hollywood a story could be made of your life. How would you like to have an A-list top star (perhaps Jimmy Smits) play you in a TV movie?
So come to Bell California and enjoy the American dream!
Offer limited to the continental United States. Void where prohibited by law.