President Van Buren: My Opponents are Racists!
Friday, September 3rd, 2010
With less than eight weeks until the presidential election of 1840 and trailing in the polls to the Whig challenger William Henry Harrison, President Martin Van Buren has accused his opponents of being motivated by racism.
With the United States mired in its worst recession in 20 years many pundits are predicting an easy Whig triumph. However not wanting to concede the election, President Van Buren has mounted an offensive against the Whigs.
“The Whig party is the exclusive domain of Americans of English ancestry. Look at my opponent’s last name: Harrison!” he said during a campaign rally. “They are a noninclusive party. Only the Democratic party is all inclusive. Only the Democrats are open to all white men of Northern European origin.”
The Whigs dismissed Van Buren’s argument as that of a desperate politician who knows he is going to lose and lose badly.
“Look at what the Democrats have done to our economy” said Whig Henry Clay. “Under the Democrats our debt has become unsupportable. Our economy is shrinking. Our dollar is dropping. And this President does nothing.”
The Democrats countered by distributing pamphlets touting their accomplishments and membership.
As opposed to the Whigs, the Democrats come from all over Northern Europe. We are a gorgeous mosaic of Dutch, Belgians, Danish, Luxembourgians, Swedish, Norwegians, Prussians, Russians, Swiss and yes, even the French. Where do the Whigs come from? England and Scotland! A party with such a monolithic ethnic makeup cannot be sensitive to the needs of all Americans.
The Whigs dismissed the pamphlets as “propaganda unworthy of our Republic. This is the mark of a desperate politician. He wants to shift the focus off of his record and end all debate by calling his opponents racist.”
President Van Buren for his part has said that his opponents better get used to having him around.
“I’m Dutch. I’m proud and I’m beautiful.”