Heir to American Throne Marries In Rhinebeck; Aristocracy, Commoners Celebrate
Monday, August 2nd, 2010
Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and heir to the throne of the American elite, married her long-time boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky at the Hudson River estate of Astor Courts.
As Lord and Lady Clinton walked through the quaint village of Rhinebeck before their daughter’s wedding, royalty from Hollywood and Washington D.C., arrived and the village was placed under tight security. The airspace over the estate was declared a no-fly zone. The Dutchess Country Airport was locked down and the only flights allowed to land were those carrying wedding guests.
“We don’t want to inconvenience the aristocracy” said an F.A.A. official. “I mean, it’s not like we live in a Republic.”
Residents who lived within a half-mile of the wedding had their homes razed by the Secret Service “for security reasons.” But not to worry. Those who found themselves newly homeless were given a bottle of wine by the Secret Service for their trouble.
As the wedding progressed amid tight security, commoners arrived to pay their respects. Said one man:
I’ve lived on Lord Clinton’s estate for years. He said that if I paid my respects on his daughter’s wedding day he would forgo the four fat fowl and one day’s labor a year that I owe him as part of my feudal dues. I just wish he would forget about that whole droit de seigneur thing. I mean I’m getting married soon too and I’d like to have my wife before he does.
A young female commoner stood behind the ropes holding a camera.
“I’m hoping to see m’lady Oprah” she said.
After the wedding, the Clintons and their guests partied on yachts on the Hudson River. The father of the bride, Bill Clinton was last seen being escorted to a special tent that held many young virgins of the area.
A happy Clinton gave the thumbs up to reporters while saying “Droit de seigneur baby. I love this tradition. Oh, and I’m very happy about my daughter’s wedding. Onto the virgins!’
State troopers report that the only security breach was a local resident who was arrested while walking his dog not far from the wedding. The resident and his dog were handcuffed and taken away for questioning.
The dog later confessed when placed upon the rack.
“Fido resisted at first” said the chief of police. “But once his cartilage started snapping he gave it up.”