Manhattan Infidel

In a shocking twist after the recent beating of Rihanna by Chris Brown, an opinion poll  disclosed that 7 out of 10 Americans would also like to beat her up.

“I can’t explain it” declared one pollster.  “We talked to what appeared to be  normal, respectable,  gainfully employed men. Yet they all became irrational at the mention of her name.”

Typical of the reactions is that of Alex Singer.  “I used to have a good job.  A wife.  A home.  Then I lost it all.  I blame that stupid song!”

John Smith,  who took part in the survey just before drifting into a coma said “Yeah, I’ve wanted to beat her up since the umbrella thing.”

“It’s true” said Monsignor Eoin O’Duffy, Pastor of Our Lady of the Mildly Perturbed.  “We’ve been seeing more and more cases of this amongst our parishioners.  They used to be leading members of the parish.  Now most of them are hospitalized in catatonic states, mumbling to themselves something about an umbrella….brella….brella…..hey hey………..god damn it…now i’m doing it.  Jesus I need a drink.”

Experts warn that this new phenomenon, dubbed “Rihanna Derangement Syndrome” has no known cure.  Symptoms include irritability, bloodshot eyes, frothing at the mouth and violent mood swings.  Men showing these signs are urged to contact their local health care authorities.

“Please get yourself to a doctor now” says County Health Inspector Niles Hampton.  “If nothing else visit the nearest emergency room.  We have banned all radios in county hospitals so there is not chance of hearing the umbrella song…..hey hey hey….under my umbrella.  Oh god no!  I”m infected!”

Since starting my blog I have been asked many questions by people and I will try to answer them all now.

1.  S.J. of Manhattan, New York, writes “Is it easy to start a blog and why is my cat coming at me with a knife?”

Excellent question S.J.  The answer is yes it is easy to start a blog.  As for your cat she sounds possessed.  A few latin incantations should help you.  If not, I suggest changing your TV to The Animal Channel .  Cats love the animal channel.

2.  E.K. of Queens writes “I am curious about blogging.  I am also curious about being probed by aliens.  Can I start a blog about alien probing?”

Well, E.K., there are already several excellent blogs about alien probing so you might have competition.  As for your  “curiousity” I suggest you find another hobby such as baseball or screaming obscenities at the hosts of “The View”.

3. “Anonymous” of Mt. Holly NJ writes “Recently while in Davos I was photographed in compromising positions with several world leaders.  But that’s not my problem. What should I do about my blog?  Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing.”

Good question.   A blog takes dedication.  Keep writing. You must sit down every day and write.  You will probably not be satisfied with  your efforts and when you are finished you will cry.  In  other words, blogging is like sex.

4.  A.R. of Miami writes “Thanks for the steroids.”

While technically not a blog question I appreciate the shout out.

5.  B.O. of Washington DC writes “I recently took a new job and do not have much time to blog.  Can I use a ghost blogger?”

This is a controversial topic but I personally find nothing wrong about using ghosts to write your blog.  I suggest Patrick Swayze or Casper.

That’s all I have for now but keep sending in your questions and I will respond to them when not relaxing in my sensory deprivation chamber.